The Big Show- March 23, 2007

Oh, what a night! Nicholas Pavlos and Meryl Chambers gave their level best, but in the end, only our own JON CROWLEY had what it took to win the 40 bucks. And hey- he's bought us a drink or two in the past, everything evens out.

And we had some special, special guests! Sanjaya Malakar dropped by to terrify us with his hula dance! Cody took some time out from a rockin' night at Hamburger Mary's to talk March Madness! The disembodied voice of Ira Glass expressed bemusement! Scotty gave tribute to his dead comedian cousin CQ! Bitsy debuted the fruits of Dave Hill's character workshop! Jeez Louise, people, it was THAT KIND OF SHOW.

But we're back in April with 2 more: 4/6 and 4/20. 10pm, $10. And in the meantime, check here for our take on what's going on in this crazy world. Peace out.

The Friday Forty Recommends...

Yoooge week for album releases. Modest Mouse, LCD Soundsystem, Ted Leo. It must be like Christmas morning in the Pitchfork offices; hipster after hipster racing down the stairs in their footie PJ's (aren't they hilarious? got 'em at American Apparel!) to check under the tree. Was I cool this year, "Santa?"

Guh. If you ax me, there is one album to buy this week. Clickety-click on over to iTunes and get yourself the debut album by Elliott Yamin. If you know me (this is Dave, for the record) you know- I'm serious as a heart attack.

Sure, we're in the middle of a serious Sanjaya moment right now, and history will judge us harshly for it. But even a broken clock tells the right time twice a day, and every now and then "American Idol" stumbles upon genuine talent. Elliott can sing, motherfuckers- and even though the single, "Wait For You," suffers from terminal Emancipation-Of-Mimi-itis, fear not. The rest sounds like the Art Laboe dedication hour circa 1996. Funky-fresh.

He's got pipes. He loves his mom. He went out and got himself a NEW MOUTH, for Pete's sake. And if he were even 5% more credible, the whole thing would have been weighed down by tiresome hip-hop cameos. I put Elliott up there with Mika and Amy Winehouse in the frontlines of The Great Pop Resurgence Of 2007.

But hey, if you prefer Modest Mouse, I understand. Don't burn your tongue on the Organic Kona at Urth Caffe, knucklehead.

Don't Cha Wish Your Girlfriend Made You A Little Bit Sad Like Me? DON'T CHA?

They came to find out about us and determine our worth. I mean, yeah, they're judgemental--but really, when you're going around blowing up planets to absorb their mineral content, being selective is a positive thing. That means, at the very least, some worlds will be spared.

So they made the trip, got into a low orbit, and checked us out. Sure, we hate and fight and torture and ignore each other's suffering (usually at our very own peril); but we also give to one another, we can be funny, and there is no doubt that Earth has created some of the finest desserts in the galaxy. In fact, after sampling the Reese's Pieces Sundae at a Friendly's in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Deputy Assessment Agent Glorgak recommended sparing our little planet.


They had gathered their various Agents and we're just beginning to break orbit when Chief Arbiter Pleghull was lazily regarding one of the planet's broadcasts. As said planet got smaller and smaller outside the window of his quarters, Pleghull saw that during that very week, the filmed entertainment "Wild Hogs" had broken a number of attendance records and that "The Next Pussycat Doll," a free television broadcast had enjoyed a huge audience as well. Calling those entertainments to his monitor station, Pleghull quickly put in a call to the officer at the ship's helm.

"Reverse course!" he barked.

Pleghull sat, watching both works simultaneously, each with a different eye. It took him roughly twelve kecktos (three minutes) to make his decision.

And that is why our planet was destroyed, Billy. It could've... Well, it should've been different.