Friday, November 2, 2007

Come on! It's the Friday Forty!

They are woman- hear them try to answer 40 questions about the events of the last 7 days! While we all enjoy 40-ouncers of delicious, delicious Budweiser products!

Brenda Partello
Erin McGathy
and Kat Something!

The Friday Forty
TONIGHT! Friday, November 2, 11pm, $5
IO West- 6366 Hollywood Blvd (between Cahuenga & Ivar)
Be there!

Thursday, September 6, 2007



Tim Jennings.
Kevin McShane.
Zabeth Russell.

It's a TROPHY WIFE FRIDAY FORTY GRUDGE MATCH! Scott and Dave pit teammate against teammate in an epic struggle for 40 clams. Also, all kinds of drinkin' and shoutin'.

Friday, September 7, 10pm
IO Mainstage, 10bucks.
2 for 1 tickets if you mention this website! Or if you simply ask!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

The Big Show! August 31, 2007

Despite a late rally by Scott, and much charm from Eve, 'twas the redoubtable Craig Cackowski who will embark on his 4-month comedy cruise 40 clams richer. Buy us some trinkets in Nassau, Cacky!

And if it was special guests you wanted, boy did last night's Forty deliver! Disillusioned Patti Smith enthusiast Mother Teresa! Tomboyish, over-it neighbor kid Terri McCardle! British Parliamentarian Something Something-Something! Disgusting, illness-inducing Sal Minella! Plus, Dave and Scott on their high horse over this Larry Craig kerfuffle! Oh, what a night.

We're up for the next 2 Fridays, then we're taking a break before coming back in October with our New! Fall! Season! Come be a contestant:

Times Square can't shine as bright as you. We swear it's true.

Hello, Larry

Okay. First of all, "Thank you all for coming out today?" Terrible, TERRIBLE choice of words. Really awful.

You say you pleaded guilty to make this whole thing go away. Nice job. But let me get this trying to make it look like you hadn’t tried to blow a dude in an airport bathroom, you pleaded that you tried to blow a dude in an airport bathroom?I’ve heard more sensible defense strategies from Billy, Dolly and Jeffy in The Family Circus.

You declare that you have retained counsel and will follow their advice on how to proceed. Here. We can do this for free: GO. AWAY.

So there’s been a relentless, 8-month witch hunt over your predilection for airport bathroom sex ending June 11. And you decided to GO TO AN AIRPORT BATHROOM ON JUNE 11? Like, to celebrate? How about this: if your family is the victim of a witch hunt over your alleged sex romps in airport bathrooms for eight months, HOLD IT IN.

If you absolutely MUST GO in an airport, make it quick. Do your business and be on your way. It’s not like the police just arrest you when you walk in one of those things- though in your case it may be a good idea. You have to do something to arouse suspicion. Maybe DON’T DO THOSE THINGS. Also maybe don't be aroused.

Larry. Larry! The Statesman had "not a shred of evidence?" How about the fact that you were lingering in an airport bathroom after an 8-month witch hunt over your habit of having sex in airport bathrooms? That’s REALLY GOOD EVIDENCE.

What's the deal here, really? You were so stressed out about the newspaper claiming that you like to have sex in airport bathrooms that you decided to take a breather in an airport bathroom? And then plead that you tried to blow a dude? If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, and takes night classes to learn English so it can say the words "I'm a duck," then you tried to blow a dude in an airport bathroom.

And this is because you’re upset about rumors flying ALL AROUND IDAHO? Up until this week, we knew exactly as much about the most talked-about person in Idaho as we did about the least talked-about person in Idaho. Relax.

But at 2:57, we get to the meat of the problem: “I’m not gay... I care about friends.” Like those two things can’t be true at the same time. Listen, while you’ve been living two shitty, dishonest lives, you’ve been voting again and again to keep people like me from enjoying one good, honest one. And your party puts the message out that gay people are promiscuous, licentious, a public health risk. But you wanna know the truth? While you’ve been trying to figure out how to explain to your family that it’s just a coincidence that you got busted for the very thing they’ve been the victim of a vicious 8-month witch hunt over, you want to know what my boyfriend and I have been up to?

Wine tasting. Also, Crowded House is doing a reunion tour, and we saw them.

It’s the people who can’t deal with their selves who cause all the trouble. If you absolutely must have sex with strangers, then do your thing. Just don’t try to stop me from being boring with my boyfriend. This isn’t about us, it’s about you. Even if it’s true that you aren’t gay, and have never been gay, I know one thing: you're a huge cocksucker.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Greatest Letter To The Editor...EVER!

From "Southern Voice," Atlanta's gay newspaper, August 17, 2007:

In regards to the Michael Vick dogfighting case... You won't find one gay man amongst that group of men that gather to watch dogs rip their throats out. It is something that straight men do, and I think it is very sad that newspapers and news stations are missing that important part of the story. Gay people don't do these things.

They have been coming after us for years over this and over that, and it is about time we focus that right back at them. It is their bad behavior that should be highlighted. Your paper should have the courage to focus right in on it.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

The greatest opening line to an article in the history of mankind.

Doing some research on Hollywood and Highland (you don't want to know, really), I came across a 2002 article about a twenty one and under nightclub. It begins with this:

"It was the best of times—I danced twice with David Gallagher from 7th Heaven."

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Everything That's Wrong With Our Culture, Summed Up In The Subject Heading Of A MySpace Message I Just Received From A Total Stranger



Mad Men on AMC shows something very few people are aware of: in 1960, most people were assholes...Cut "Clerks 2" down to a minute and a half and you, sir, have one heck of a watchable film...Look for mine safety to be one of the hot topics in the country for the next forty eight hours; you heard it here first...If I had to be buried to death in a foodstuff of my choosing, I'd choose the iceberg wedge from The Palm--what a way to go!...Paging "John from Cincinnati:" I don't know what the fuck you're talking about...I don't know what onions are, or how they make them, but they sure make my burger sing...Say what you will about Rudy Guliani, the guy can certainly breathe good...Why is Seth Green everywhere? I went to put on a dress shirt and he pops out of my closet, telling me how busy he is with exciting new projects. That kid is a humble dynamo...Fire BAD...They say the pygmy elephants of Borneo are in danger. Man, I love that Grey's Anatomy...If you want a truly yellow condiment, you gotta go with mustard...Look for the Fed to cut interest rates sooner than later and for Eric Balfour to finally lose the mustache...Duran Duran, Justin Timberlake, and Timbaland collaborating? Finally some music for the statutory rapists!..Last week on Entourage, the show revolved around Vinnie trying to get E a forty thousand dollar desk. Since then, I've been thinking about suicide...If it was Calvin verses Hobbes in a fight to the death, I'd put my money on the kid. The tiger is an inanimate object, full of Chinese newspapers and the kid is a bloodlusting killing machine reminiscent of Tom Cruise's unhinged wingnut in the movie "Taps." Anyways, that's just one mensch's opinion...People who ONLY listen to "They Might Be Giants" scare me...If there's one thing I don't get, it's how uteruses work. Thank God for uterus doctors...If you have a bumper sticker for a Democratic presidential candidate, and also a bumper sticker that says "Starfleet Academy," please get rid of one of those bumper stickers...I for one am glad that whole "white people making gang signs in pictures" thing seems to have died down...I haven't even seen "Superbad," and in fact it doesn't even come out for another week. How come I'm sick of it?