3 Things I'm Not Doing:
- Working On The Show
- Packing For A Bachelor Party In Vegas
- Accepting That I'm Going To A Bachelor Party In Vegas
5 Lines I Made Up That Would Be Fresher Than "Yippee-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker" In The Next "Die Hard" Movie:
- A stitch in time saves nine, motherfucker.
- Honesty is the best policy, motherfucker.
- It takes a village to raise a child, motherfucker!
- What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail, motherfucker?
- The mass has ended. Go in peace, motherfucker.
2 Things I Should Do Something About:
- This Spot I Missed Shaving
- Neck Glands. Swollen?
3 Headlines That Sound Much Better When You Add "You Guys" To The End:
- Obama Calls For U.S. to Shift Focus on Terrorism, You Guys
- Stocks Close Higher After Late Rally, You Guys
- New Al Qaeda Web Ad Threatens 'Big Surprise,' You Guys!
4 Actual Colors In The J. Crew Catalog I Just Got In The Mail:
- Heather Chrome
- Pale Surplus
4 Non-Actual Colors In The J. Crew Catalog I Just Got In The Mail:
1 Note For A Comedy Sketch I Wrote In My Notebook Several Months Ago, In Its Entirety:
From My Email In-Box, 1 Unnecessary "If You Know What I Mean":
- "Once we get back to the Hard Rock after the bachelor party, I've arranged for some "in-room entertainment," if you know what I mean."
No, Following 3 Actual People, I Don't Want To Be MySpace Friends With You:
21 Dudes Who Are Really Excited To Spend 4 Days In Vegas At A Bachelor Party:
- The rest of them
2 Side Effects Of New Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS) Drug Mirapex, According To Its Own Commercial:
- Urge to gamble
- Strong sexual urges
1 Condition Preferable To An Urge To Gamble and Strong Sexual Urges, Especially When One Is About To Go To Las Vegas
- Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS)
1 Matt Damon Movie I May See In The Next Week Or So:
- This one
3 Things I'm Ready To Stop Hearing:
- Mc[Synonym For Handsome]y
- What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas
1 Day I Cannot Wait For: